Saturday, November 28, 2009

ReSOUNDing JOY

With Christ in the vessel, we can smile at the storm,
Smile at the storm, smile at the storm.
With Christ in the vessel, we can smile at the storm,
As we go sailing home.

So simple yet powerful! It's message parallels my motto Bible verse from Philippians 4:13 which says "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Hence, with Christ in my vessel, I'm sure I'll emerge victorious from my treacherous voyage.

I'm a happy creature, well, I prefer to smile than to mope over things, which, I believe, is due to the very presence of God in my life. There is a difference between JOY and HAPPINESS, from what I've learnt throughout my years in KIDS School. JOY isn't an emotion unlike HAPPINESS, which is temporary, but, it is something profound and keeps you smiling despite fierce storms in life. This JOY that I have is certainly from Him alone. JOY that I have eternal life in God. Makes me want to break out into song!

There is joy, joy, joy, in the presence of the Lord,
Singing hallelujah, amen!
There is joy, joy, joy, in the presence of the Lord,
Singing hallelujah, amen!

Because of this, I choose to stay positive amidst the adversities, be they minor or otherwise. :) And surely, refrain from all sorts of emo-ness! Anyway, why stay emo when you smile out sunshine and.. rainbows(?)


It's exciting how I'm progressing with the bugle! It's the first wind instrument I'm learning to play after the... recorder! But that doesn't count, because I only knew how to play Mary had a Little Lamb in staccatos. Mr. Lt. Wong Chee Khoon, who DIY-learnt to play, is my SIFU. It's pretty interesting to see his face tomato up blowing the bugle. (Forgive me, sir! XP) Today, I was fortunate to be able to be taught by Mr. Eddy Khoo who was a bugler in his long gone BB days. His lungs work like powerful wind generators! I managed to learn note progressions in a breath and tonguing. It's not as easy as it seems - summoning air from your diaphragm, lip control. Wind instruments are a little gross. You can't help but sputter potentially corrosive amylase-filled fluid into the brass body. Percussions are way more sanitised! But I do hope to be able to play several calls for meetings before our term in Primers ends!

*Lights Out Bugle Call* ;)

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Perfect

First, I decided that I should do sports physiotherapy. Naturally, you were elated at my career choice. Then I realised that my focus in this field was wrong. I only wanted to tour with sports teams. I could never visualise myself in geriatrics. You were upset.

I decided hospitality and hotel management would be my choice since it wasn't so academic. You said no. You'd never know what kind of people you meet in that line. I vehemently insisted that you'd meet unscrupulous people anywhere. But you still said no.

Fine. Decision change to something more academic; the way you like it. Architecture - science and art combo. You were okay initially, then you changed your mind. Long working hours, deadline stress etc. I tried to show you my interest in construction so you relented a little. But I still knew you wanted me in the medical field.

Now, here I am in Form 6, after a series of failed scholarship applications, producing thrashy results worthy of a garbage dump. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough to work my way through this bloody system. Maybe I'm unhappy, but that's no reason to flunk math and get a CGPA that screams alerts like a heart monitor fixed to racing horse. Or maybe, as I've said, I'm just a naturally-born idiot. I'm not happy with the rotten results, the stupid way things tend to go.

And then you say now: What about journalism? Mass communication? Wait. Weren't you the one who pushed me towards science and all this biology stuff? All your expectations seemed to direct me to the medical field or banking. It was just this strong vibe you gave me. But I'd be living your life, not mine.

Thus, you posed me a dilemma: to leave and splurge a large sum in private institutions for a professional course or stay and face high posibilities of failure in Form 6.

But will I be able to leave? The many things I've built for myself now seems like shacks built on sandy ground. Can I let go of the task of producing a school magazine, of pushing the brigade to greater heights? It seems cowardly; running and shirking from challenges. But at the same time, it sounds sensible; leaving a sinking boat for a sturdy ship.

I see my UK, Japan and all overseas dreams evaporating into thin air.

And I'm good, good, good to go
I got to get away
Get away from all of my mistakes

So here I sit looking at the traffic lights
The red extinguishes the hope that the green ignites
I want to run away I want to ditch my life
Cause all of my mistakes keep me awake at night

....

It just now hit me this is more than just a set back
And when you spelled it out, well, I guess I didn't get that
And every trace of momentum is gone
And this isn't turning out the way I want

....

And I spent all last night
Tearing down
Every stoplight
And stop sign in this town
Now I think there might
Be no way to stop me now
I'll get away despite
The fact I'm so weighed down

All of my escapes have been exhausted
I thought I had a way but then I lost it
And my resistance was once much stronger
And I know I can't go on like this much longer


I just gotta stop running and catch my breath. God I need You.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Caveman's Way

Form 6 schooling has brought a plague of strange ill health upon me. Last month I had funky nausea spells for one week. Severe gastric attacks and stomach cramps prevented me from straightening up till I gave up avoiding the doctor. Doc's advice: Keep away from spicy, sour and oily food. And that's exactly what I did although I'm a spicy-sour food junkie. I stuck to a healthy diet; fruit and fibre cereal with milk every morning, wholemeal bread, no sour food and less spicy food. I realised that my general well-being improved. I don't feel so sleepy in class and I felt good. But, gastric struck again last week despite eating full and regular meals, and nausea is back. So, I popped by the clinic. Diagnosis? Probably some gut discomfort. :( Tomorrow's the Campers' Badge Camp and right now, my intestines are in knots. Thank God modern toilets are available! Otherwise it'll be the 'use-spade-dig-hole-do-it-like-a-caveman' method. Eew.

Health, Health, how I treasure thee!
Pray, do come back to me!


Hm. Been pondering. Are there such things as naturally-born geniuses and naturally-born idiots? Or is it just a matter of tapping into the 'genius gene' in our subconscious minds? Either, that 'genius gene' of mine hasn't been tapped or I'm just a naturally-born idiot.

Anyway, hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to camp I go! Excited. Reminds me of my scouting days. :) But, I'm having problem packing. Haha.

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