Sunday, August 19, 2007

centralise my attention

knocked down, run over. that's what i felt like during the holidays. well ... i wasn't literally knocked down. just over-exerted muscles and an excess of lactic acid. there goes ... typical science student.
just a case of horrid muscle ache. but i have to look on the bright side; my game has thoroughly improved and i'd certainly increased my stamina and had tonnes of fun. it also took my mind of the energy-consuming disappointment. so, yeah, centralised training centralised my attention on something else - badminton.

yeah... i called my coach and he couldn't recognise me though i kept repeating my surname (he calls me by my surname oddly). he thought i was a guy from acs who can't play badminton. but, finally, he realised and put my name down on the centralised training list.

the day - 23 august 2007 came and began at 7:30 am with a morning run. 7 rounds around the teerath ram hall. my time = 6.37 mins. not too good.

breakfast menu:
3 scoops of mashed potato with cream cheese
3 meatballs
1 hard-boiled egg
1 packet of chocolate milk
1 sausage roll

heavy? we were packed full.

sir gave us something like pep talk while we digested the food then we started the vigorous training. i think that i was probably the worst player there. no exaggerating here.

12:00 pm- lunch menu:
white rice
honey chicken
ice-cream float
bottled water

and .. yet another hearty meal. vigorous training again and then matches. ended: 2:30 pm.

day 2: 24 august

7 rounds again. objective: beat your previous time.
well... i couldn't accomplish that. my leg got injured. (a really silly incident. i was drawing when i had severe pins and needles that did not subside till the training. then my leg started aching. dad massaged and it got worse. bruised, i would say.) coach saw and excused me. he asked me to walk for the sake of exercise. so i walked one round but started running as soon as i could not take it. i finished at 7.17 mins. sucked. but nothing to be ashamed. perfectly well players finished later and everyone sort of knew of my injury. so i wasn't 'lembap' or something.

breakfast menu:
1 egg
1 sausage
some chips
1 packet of milk
1 coconut bun (which almost everyone including me dumped on kesavan the assistant coach)

vigorous training again and this time i got to play with several state players. while i was struggling and running around like pig on fire, the just stood rooted in the same position, swinging their racquets without much effort. uhuh...

then agility tests and circuit training (pumping, sit ups, star jump, step ups).

later, we had the best thing. a smashing doubles shuttle drill. that was fun. coach announced previously that we were going to have an inter-team tourney after lunch and so the guys were on the lookout for good girl players. (mind you, there were only 5 girls and more than 10 boys)

the training stopped and we assembled. us girls drew lots and i ended up in team b. we planned our matches and sheng han the captain is a really good planner. this was the draw:
1. ladies singles : lee kah ling win
2. mens singles 1 : carson chin lose
3. ladies doubles : lai (or lau) phui joan; myself win
4. mens doubles : shaun sukit; (something) wen hong lose
5. mix doubles 1 : mooi wei jun; lee kah ling win
6. mix doubles 2 : yap sheng han; phui joan win
7. mens singles 2 : chea ching yi win

team a draw:
1. ladies singles : goh su ki
2. mens singles 1 : woo mun fei
3. ladies doubles : yu haan xi; joshua voo (he volunteered to be girl. there were not enough girls)
4. mens doubles : yu ken hong (captain); chea ching jing
5. mix doubles 1 : joshua voo; mooi wei (something)
6. mix doubles 2 : kelvin foo; goh su ki
7. mens singles 2 : lee kah seng

lunch menu:
white rice
ice-cream float
bottled water
so our team won by 5 points and we got racquet grips for prizes. my partner joan is a state player, 3 years my junior. she's just wonderful. although she's MUCH better than i am, she encourages me and tell me not to be scared of joshua during service (cause he's huge) and she always says sorry when sshe makes mistakes. not self-righteous at all. hanks to her, we won. ken hong knew that i was the weaker one and so he shouted to haan xi (his sis) and joshua to aim at me. but he didn't know my name so he went, "pak sam!" which means white shirt in cantonese. (i was in white) the situation was really hilarious.

some players couldn't come on the second day because of personal stuff, which was a waste. chun leong (captain of my winning team last training) had to leave so, we lost quite a good captain. very supportive. he cheered like mad last centralised.

but anyway, it was fun but painful. my body ached as though (like i said) knocked down, run over. when it was over, sir, although he's over 60, high-fived every player. cool old man.

well... i've wrote so much. but it was fun relating such stuff especially since i enjoyed myself thoroughly in the past week. i can't wait for more! i hope that people from the other training days (that is, friday and sunday) will attend next year. they were real fun last centralised.

so, do i get to see more muscle? umm... that's... doubtful. but well, i'm up and ready for the basic fitness test for p.e. class --> 1,500 m run. i'm aiming <8>

Friday, August 17, 2007

it ends tonight

a fullstop to one of my targets for the year.

back to the grill. tonnes of computer work to do - keying in names of latecomers into the system. no field work for me. as weird as it sounds, i prefer to run around doing work than sitting down in a fanned room etc etc.

headaches! today i had one. but that's when i start itching to write and my creative juices get flowing.

one letdown after another
seems like it's never ending
coming closer to the edge
i think i see a silver lining
but no, it's just a jet plane
here to whisk my dreams away
i see a calm after that storm
beyond that is a tidal wave
a hazardous speed no one can judge
like a bird that builds it nest
i built my hope high up
like a viper that knocks it off
my hope has come crashing down
i've needed and wanted so much
till i don't want to anymore
this treacherous wave has swept me
but i'll fight the current
i'll free myself from this choking embrace
shower me with hailstones
and destroy my umbrella of protection
but i'll shield myself from this pain
break me and i'll make me
stronger than you'll ever be
soon you'll just be able to see
the person who's not the old me
but just this new being
so i'll take it all
storm by storm, wave by wave
avalanche by avalanche
growing stronger day by day
calamity after calamity.

don't expect too much

something i've learnt today. don't expect too much. you'll feel pain. disappointment.

it seems that almost everything i've done goes unacknowledged. no recognition. nothing. sucks right? okay... maybe i don't rub shoulders, shine shoes, whatever you call it. i don't do it. it doesn't go with my principles, my beliefs. i can't joke around with elders. i can't be impolite. i do things business-like. i do things behind the scenes. i don't paint ugly paintings over. i touch them up.

some people have a good head start. they've established themselves and so when they slack, no one notices. i've started from the bottom. scratch. that's tough. i'm tired, exhausted, burnt out, dry.
"datang lewat. jangan guna jawatan awak sebagai alasan untuk masuk ke kelas lewat." [finger-pointing, sneering, blaming teacher]
"oh, ya, ya."

typical day of bm lesson after recess. okay. get this. why am i coming in late? i'm a prefect. i have duties to do - like shoo chatty, giggling girls with half-eaten food into their cow pen classrooms. that's a complete job right? what about those who don't? who let people who eat in class go? who just walk pass girls with unbuckled pinafores? who talk during duty? who can't keep their ties on after school? they get acknowledgement, recognition. talk about justice.

it is not so much that i am desperate for a post or whatsoever. just a little recognition, a little thank you. that's all i ask of.

i tell everyone i'm okay. but as a matter of fact, i'm not. someone told me crying helps her feel better. but really, does it?

so at the end of the day, in this day, it doesn't seem to matter what you do - whether you are great or not. the favour of others still reign - like in presidential voting.

"if i am elected, i shall be thankful; if not, it will be all the same." Abraham Lincoln
hence, i will continue to do my utmost for the highest - doing everything not for men but for Him.
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