something i've learnt today. don't expect too much. you'll feel pain. disappointment.
it seems that almost everything i've done goes unacknowledged. no recognition. nothing. sucks right? okay... maybe i don't rub shoulders, shine shoes, whatever you call it. i don't do it. it doesn't go with my principles, my beliefs. i can't joke around with elders. i can't be impolite. i do things business-like. i do things behind the scenes. i don't paint ugly paintings over. i touch them up.
some people have a good head start. they've established themselves and so when they slack, no one notices. i've started from the bottom. scratch. that's tough. i'm tired, exhausted, burnt out, dry.
"datang lewat. jangan guna jawatan awak sebagai alasan untuk masuk ke kelas lewat." [finger-pointing, sneering, blaming teacher]
"oh, ya, ya."
typical day of bm lesson after recess. okay. get this. why am i coming in late? i'm a prefect. i have duties to do - like shoo chatty, giggling girls with half-eaten food into their cow pen classrooms. that's a complete job right? what about those who don't? who let people who eat in class go? who just walk pass girls with unbuckled pinafores? who talk during duty? who can't keep their ties on after school? they get acknowledgement, recognition. talk about justice.
it is not so much that i am desperate for a post or whatsoever. just a little recognition, a little thank you. that's all i ask of.
i tell everyone i'm okay. but as a matter of fact, i'm not. someone told me crying helps her feel better. but really, does it?
so at the end of the day, in this day, it doesn't seem to matter what you do - whether you are great or not. the favour of others still reign - like in presidential voting.
"if i am elected, i shall be thankful; if not, it will be all the same." Abraham Lincoln
hence, i will continue to do my utmost for the highest - doing everything not for men but for Him.